Angels along My Way -- Olin Clara, Part II

The tribute that I wrote back in August actually fits nicely after the one I posted yesterday, which puts this next excerpt from my book in context:

I continued to go to Olin Clara’s house on Saturdays for several years. I learned her methods of baking pies and cookies, and I learned through her appreciation of my mother’s homemade bread that Mem made the best bread in the community. I had assumed every mem in the community made bread like hers, but once when I brought a fresh loaf to Clara, she praised Mem’s bread so highly and in such a sincere way that I began to realize Mem’s bread was indeed a specialty. That day when I got home and told Mem how much Clara liked her bread, her face turned pink, and she said, “Oh, she is just saying that to make you feel good.” But I could tell she was pleased as she tried to suppress a smile.

Mem did not often get compliments from other Amish people. First of all, compliments were not given as freely as in mainstream American culture, because the belief in the community is that people should be humble. But Mem’s situation was more complicated than that. I came to understand later that somehow she was a threat to many other women in the community, especially the bishop’s wife. They did not want Mem, who was married to “Sim” after all, to be better respected than they were. Olin Clara did not seem to be motivated by these same sentiments. Later in life, she became Mem’s one true friend in the church district, after all her daughters had left the community.

Angels along My Way -- Olin Clara, Part I

Today I start my series called "Angels along My Way." I am starting with "Olin Clara." In the Amish community, women get their husbands' names before their own. I would be known as "David Saloma" if I were still in the community.

For a tribute to Olin Clara, that I wrote back in August, click here.

The following is the beginning of what I have to say about Olin Clara. This is changed only slightly from an excerpt from my book.

Olin Clara was short, energetic, talkative, and could make anyone who walked into her home feel welcome. She was the best pie baker in the community.

When I was nine years old, she asked Mem if I could come and help her with cleaning and baking on Saturdays. I used to wonder why she would ask me to help her, out of all the girls in the community, but as I got older, I realized that she was really helping me out. She was showing me what was normal in other families, something to strive for when I started my own family someday. I hadn’t dared to let myself think she was doing it just because she liked me and enjoyed my company. My mind drifted back to my first memories of Olin Clara, when I was four years old and she was the only person who accepted my outgoing ways.

An “English” family used to give us second-hand items that they had collected in their church. A red pair of boots in just my size arrived in one of the boxes. Mem didn’t intend on letting me wear them, because Amish weren’t allowed to wear red, but when Sunday morning came and she didn’t have any other boots that fit me, she wriggled them on over my shoes and said, “Now when we get to church, we will need to hide these in the corner of the washhouse.”

I nodded, and then we bundled up in black coats, scarves, bonnets, and capes, and huddled under three buggy blankets for the long, cold ride. Under Mem’s feet in a denim bag was the soapstone that she had warmed on the wood stove all night. Joe, Lizzie, and I sat in the back seat. Lizzie and I wrapped the buggy blankets around our legs and feet. I wished I didn’t have to cover those red boots.

Church was at the Eli Yoders’ house that day. They lived the farthest away of the people in our church district. I asked how far we had to go, and Mem said five miles. By the time Datt stopped the buggy at the washhouse door, I had decided that five miles was a very long way. When we walked into the washhouse, I saw Olin Clara looking at me. She always had a smile and a kind word for me. I walked up to where she stood with a group of women and girls, ready to go into the warm kitchen. I held up one foot and said, “Look at my boots. I have new boots!”

Everyone became so silent, I could hear myself breathe. I put my foot down and looked at Mem. Her face was flushed with shame. I looked at Olin Clara, and she smiled at me reassuringly. Mem pulled me over to the side of the washhouse and said, “Take those off!” She pulled them off me so quickly that my shoes came off, too. “I told you not to show these to anyone!”

I was embarrassed for doing something wrong, but Olin Clara chatted pleasantly with Mem and me, and she said quietly, “Don’t worry about it.” I could feel Mem’s hold on my hand relax.

I wore the red boots home from church that day, and then they disappeared. 

The February Deal

It is time to reveal the February deal. For the month of February, I am offering a free handcrafted, reusable eco-friendly fabric gift bag with the purchase of my book at the full price of $19.95 plus $2.05 for shipping for the first book. I am offering free shipping and a free gift bag for each additional copy.  I hope to offer these gift bags along side my books soon. I plan to charge $5.00 each. 

Photo of handcrafted eco-friendly fabric gift bags

To order the book, just click on the book icon on the right-hand side of this page, which will take you to my webpage with the order form. Please print, fill out, and send me the order form with your check for the appropriate amount. I will autograph each book, and I will send it out promptly (usually the next day), so you should get it within a week. 


For reviews of the book, indicating how others have received my story, please see the list of links to articles, reviews, and an interview on the right side of this page.


I have been thinking about how many people have helped me along my life journey. I plan to start a new series for blog postings entitled "Angels along My Way." I will begin that series tomorrow.

The Numbers -- of Women versus Men Who Leave the Amish

One of the questions asked at my talk this past weekend was whether there are more women than men who leave the Amish. I didn't actually know the answer to this gentleman's question, but I decided to find out.


I have a book called "Ohio Amish Directory; Geauga County and Vicinity," that lists all the Amish families in my home community as of 2006. There are codes as follows:


A -- Means children are living at home with their parents
B -- Means they are Amish and living in this community
C -- Means they are married and Amish and living in another community
D -- Means they are no longer Amish
E -- Means they are single but do not live at home.


There are approximately 2,500 "household heads" listed in the directory. This includes widows and widowers and singles.


I looked through 536 pages of listings and found 177 people who have left the Amish. Out of these, 100 were women, and 77 were men.  My sisters and I helped tip the scales in the direction of making the women the majority -- we are the only family in the whole community in which all the women left and the men stayed.


It is hard to know whether this trend in my home community holds true throughout other Amish communities. It is also important to note that the only reason my sisters and I are listed in the directory at all is because when this directory was compiled, my mother was still alive. She died soon thereafter, so any subsequent directories from this community would not list my sisters and me, but they would list my brothers and their families, because they are still in the community. Therefore, there may be more people who left the community, but they are no longer listed because their parents are deceased. It is hard to know whether these percentages (56 percent women and 44) percent men would hold true if everyone from the community who left were still listed.


So, there is the answer -- more women do leave than men -- at least in my home community.

First Book Talk

Yesterday (Saturday, January 22) I had my first book talk. I had a talk scheduled here in Sunderland before, but it was rescheduled twice. I am hoping for good weather on Saturday, February 5, so we can actually have that one.


This is how it happened that Burlington, Vermont, was my first appearance. It was well-attended, with approximately 160 people. The events coordinator said there was only one other event that she ever hosted at the Fletcher Free Library in which the turnout was bigger -- and that was when Ambassador Peter Galbraith did a book talk there. 

Part of the audience

I was a bit nervous in the beginning, but when I focused on the faces of so many friends in the crowd, I relaxed and was able to deliver my talk without too many glitches. I found for the most part my sister was right when she said a little while ago, "I can just imagine that when you get up in front of an audience, you will just be in your element." I was. I gave a talk that was designed for the Burlington audience, which focused on my journey to Burlington when I left the Amish in 1977.  The reception for this subject was favorable.

My favorite part of delivering a talk was answering questions. That is my chance to interact with the audience, which I find so engaging. The people asked really good questions, including how the community I came from could grow so quickly (going from 30 districts in 1980 to currently around 85 districts), and wondered whether there were people joining the church from the outside. I explained that the Amish have many children, and that is how the community grows. Someone also asked if I attribute the dysfunction in my family to being Amish. I answered that I thought that in the same way we cannot romanticize the Amish and think that they don't have the same problems as all humans, I cannot necessarily blame the Amish culture for my family problems. Someone else asked if more women than men leave because of the male domination. I answered by saying that I thought that the men may leave for different reasons, and in a different manner than women, but that I thought the numbers were about even. I thought that many women who leave do so because they are oppressed. I need to actually research whether there are more women leaving than men, because I don't actually know the answer to this question.

Overall, this was a very rewarding experience. I look forward to my next appearances with a great deal of anticipation. I only hope that my audiences will be as warm and embracing and as appreciative as my first one was. Thank you to all who were there!

Photo by Pam Munsell 

Book Review from Seven Days

By “hardships,” Furlong doesn’t just mean living without electricity, or conforming to the dictates of a strict religious community. In her new memoir, Why I Left the Amish, she describes growing up with a father who was mentally ill and a mother who worked furiously to feed her seven children. ~ Margot Harrison, Seven Days 


On the same day that my first book talk is rescheduled, there is another article/review that just came out in Seven Days in Burlington, Vermont. It is another well-written, gratifying review that reveals another person's take on the book. I feel honored and grateful for the compliments in this review and in the previous reviews.


Please check out the links on the right-hand side of this blog, or else on my website for all the articles and reviews thus far. 


I am preparing for my book launch party in Burlington, Vermont this weekend, so I won't be posting until at least Monday, which is the first day of classes at Amherst College. It will be hectic.


This is all to say that I will be taking a break for a few days. I hope to be back on Monday, January 24, but it may be Tuesday. 


In the meantime, Monica, the Mennobrarian is giving away a copy of Why I Left the Amish. She is drawing tomorrow, so head on over and leave a comment/link for a chance to win.


Karen Lange is going to be posting an interview with me tomorrow on Write Now. She is also offering a giveaway of the book, so please also visit her blog for a chance to win.


Have a wonderful weekend, and I hope to be back early next week. 


Saloma

Book Talk Rescheduled

Notice: Event Rescheduled

The book talk that I had scheduled at the Sunderland Public Library last week, was rescheduled for tonight, but now because of predictions it that will ice over, we have decided to postpone the event until Saturday, February 5 at 2:00 PM. If you know of anyone who was planning on attending, please notify them. Thank you kindly for helping to spread the word.

For a complete listing of my scheduled appearances, please see my full schedule on the right hand side of this page.

Giveaways, Articles, and Reviews

Many people probably think that Amish society is mostly hard work, sunshine, and a peaceful existence. Not always true. They have their problems, perhaps even more so since they've chosen a different and separate lifestyle. ~ Karen Lange

Karen Lange, writer of the blog Write Now, has written a review of Why I Left the Amish. She is also offering a giveaway of a copy of the book.

Monica, the Mennobrarian, also is offering a giveaway of Why I Left the Amish on her blog as well. So be sure to visit these two blogs and leave comments/create links to enter the giveaways.

Two new articles came out: one yesterday, and one today. Debbie Salomon, who has been writing for the Burlington Free Press for 23 years, wrote her last column Table Talk for them yesterday. I am both flattered and deeply saddened to be the subject of this last article.

Today there is an article in the Greenfield Recorder, featuring my book also. One needs to pay for an online subscription to be able to read the whole article.

For a complete list of the articles and reviews I know of, please visit my website. You can also access my order form to order an autographed copy with free shipping by clicking on the book icon to the right of this page. (This offer is good for all orders I receive in the month of January).

The Freedom of Wheels, Revisited

Back in February 2010, I wrote a post called The Freedom of Wheels, in which I explored what having a car and a bicycle means to me. I have often been aware of how much freedom wheels give me, even though I don't actually enjoy driving a car all that much. I much preferred using the public transportation system in Germany, when I was there for five months. But, alas, in this country, most of us do not have this option.

As I was writing my talk for the upcoming appearance at the Sunderland Library (this Wednesday instead of last Wednesday because of the storm that buried us), I unearthed something that I hadn't ever really seen quite this way. It has to do with the lack of freedom I had when I was a single woman living in my original community, because I did not have wheels.

It was customary for Amish parents to provide their teen sons with a horse and buggy. I resented being dependent on the men for horse and buggy rides. One day I said to my mother that this wasn’t fair, the girls didn’t get a horse and buggy. She retorted that girls are more expensive, because the parents have to pay for their weddings. I knew even then that women got a raw deal… the men were handed their independence, while the women were forced to be dependent on men their whole lives long. 

Because I had no means of transportation of my own, I was dependent on the use of cars to get around. “Use” is the key word here, because even though the Amish don’t own cars, they ride in them on a regular basis. They will hire their “English” neighbors to drive them where they want to go and pay these “taxis” by the mile. The Amish are often asked why it’s okay for them to ride in cars, when they are not allowed to own them. One Amish man asked a question in return, “When you fly somewhere, do you buy a ticket, or the plane?” While this is witty, it does not answer the question. I found that the Amish often don’t know themselves other than, “It’s just the way it is.” 

The times it really mattered that I didn’t have transportation is getting to and from youth gatherings. And my family lived on the far outreaches of the community, so it wasn’t like I could even beg a ride home with a neighbor boy. I used to have to pay for a taxi to take me to the singing, and then I had to decide whether to schedule a ride home with this taxi or not. If I did, and then got a ride home with a date, I would have to call off the taxi. If I didn’t, and then no one asked me for a date, I could get stranded. I remember that happening to my sister and me one summer night when the gathering was perhaps eight miles away. We tried calling several taxis in the middle of the night, but got no answer. So we walked home. That was the longest walk of my life. Riding in a buggy would have been a luxury that night. 

So, I thank my lucky stars for wheels once again. I'm going to go ride my bicycle while looking out over the town as the sun goes down. I know I won't really be going anywhere, but I want to ride just because I can. And besides it'll be good exercise while reading the novel I'm in the middle of. 

Katie is Back!

I had originally posted this a few days ago, then Katie's blog was "lost" again. Several of you wanted to know when/if she got it back, so here is my edited post from a few days ago:

Let's have a good old hand-clapping, foot-stomping, shout-out-with-glee welcome for Comeback Katie! She has started a new blog! It's called Pinecraft-Sarasota. 

For those who don't know, Katie had a wonderful blog with some of the most gorgeous pictures you could ever imagine (she is a very talented photographer). And she has a unique perspective on life... as per her post "The Last Flower." But as I was saying, she HAD a very well-established blog, and then something happened and she lost it (I sure hope someone wasn't mean-spirited enough to hack it). A huge applause for her persistence in starting up a new one. Please visit her blog... you will not be disappointed.

Why I Like Books

A fellow blogger, Liz Pezzuto, writer of 8-Bit Words, posted her thoughts about books versus e-readers. She asked her readers what they thought. I had no idea, until I began writing, just how strongly I felt about this. I decided to post it here as well. What Liz has to say may actually have more validity than what I wrote, only because she actually tried it. Call me stubborn, but these are the questions and thoughts I have on the subject:


1. Using battery power to read? Why would I want to do that, when reading a real book takes none? And this in the age in which we are supposedly becoming more environmentally aware?


2. Enter the rat race? You don't have to be Amish to live life more simply... I make a deliberate attempt at avoiding the  headlong pursuit of the latest fashions and technologies. 


3. Losing all my books at once? What happens if I have 50 books loaded on the e-reader, and then I lose it, it breaks, down, or it's stolen? Now I've lost all those books at once, which is the equivalent of losing a whole bookshelf full, whereas if I take a book somewhere and forget it, it's just one book. Of course I can always buy a new e-reader to replace the books I lost... I'm sure the company selling them wouldn't have a problem with that, but my budget might not allow for it.


4. What would a "book-burning" look like in the world of e-readers? Let's imagine we all switch to e-readers, and several hundred years hence, books have become antiques that need to be preserved in vaults and are no longer available to most people. Anyone interested in censoring or burning books, wouldn't need a physical fire... certain books could just disappear, never to be read again. This may seem far-fetched to us, but think about it... I 'm sure Hitler would have considered that a gift, to be able to make certain books disappear with a push of a button. We are no longer passing on the classic stories in the oral tradition. Would I want to live in a world without the collective knowledge of mankind being passed down from one generation to the next?  Absolutely not. That is what traditional books represent to me... the collective knowledge of humans throughout time.


5. What are the unintended consequences? Whenever there is "progress" made in our society (and let's imagine for a moment, e-readers are progress), there are always unintended consequences. For example, when the highways were new in this country, the small businesses faltered all along the old roadways, because they had been dependent on traffic for their livelihood. I have no idea what the unintended consequences will be of the mass exodus to the use of the e-reader, but I don't for a minute imagine there won't be any.


6. Succumb to the hype? Not me, thanks.  I resent the pressure readers, authors, and the publishing industry is under to change over. I don't plan on handing my money over for yet another something I don't need. And I resent the threats that I am going to be left behind the rest of the world, that I won't be able to buy certain books in the future without one, or as an author I won't be able to get future books published without going that route.  It feels no different to give in to this pressure than it did for me to finally give in to the people in my Amish community, when they pressured me into becoming a baptized member of the church. I did succumb to that pressure, and then regretted it and subsequently left. I learned I don't like succumbing to external pressure, and so I will stay with the tradition of physically turning the pages of my book, thank you. After all it doesn't take any battery power....

A Mennonite Perspective

I have a very dear cousin, Martha, with whom I am in touch with via email occasionally. Yesterday I got an email from her in which she had something to say about the discussion about the "English Riddle" that I asked here. She provided what was missing from our discussion... that of how the Mennonite and Amish beliefs differ. Most Amish believe that there is no way of knowing for sure whether we can achieve salvation, that we can only hope. Most Mennonite groups have a different way of thinking on this and Martha was able to articulate her beliefs succinctly. I have her permission to post it here. This is what she wrote: 


I read your riddle about joining the Amish or Mennonites.  I find it quite interesting hearing others' view of things.  I suppose it is just as true of any people that unless you are part of them sometimes the imagination can fill in.  One thing I do hope you understand  that I feel is very important. Our lifestyle is not just cultural. Mennonite is simply one way of identifying WHAT we belong to but it does not automatically tell people WHO we belong to. We believe that only in Christ is there redemption and a hope of life eternal.  By hope I mean a certainty, not just a wishing for. And with that hope and belief comes obedience to God and HIs Word. It is Simplicity itself and yet can be made so complex. 


I had posted a picture of Martha a while ago, and I am posting it again below. She is pictured with my sister, Susan. Don't they look like sisters? 

Susan is on the left and Martha on the right

New Article and Reviews

Yesterday an article was published in the Springfield Republican about Why I Left the Amish.  Then David was poking around on the Internet and found a review by Lisa Romeo on ForeWord Reviews that was quite a pleasant surprise to us, and another review by N. R. Williams on Good Reads. Nancy was the winner of my giveaway.


For a complete list of articles and reviews that I know of, you can visit my website by clicking here or on book icon on the right-hand side of this page.


If anyone hears of any other articles or reviews out there for my memoir, will you kindly let me know? If you want to email me, my address is salomafurlong(at)gmail.com.


Needless to say, this is all very exciting. It seems the readers are relating to the issues addressed in the book, which is immensely gratifying.

A January Deal... and a Question

For the rest of January, I will be offering my memoir Why I Left the Amish for $18.00 with free shipping anywhere in the continental United States. I simply need to receive your order in the month of January for you to get this deal.


To order, please click on the book icon on the right of this page, which takes you to my website. Click on the order form, print it, fill it out, and send it to the address on the order form, and I will promptly send you an autographed copy.


There are several newspaper articles coming out in the next few weeks. People seem to be curious about the subject of this book. I sold a copy to a woman who I know from around town one morning at the post office. She looked at me and said, "You are really happy about something... what's going on for you?" So I told her, and she bought the book on the spot. Last night David and I were at our favorite local restaurant, and two of the employees bought a book from me. 


This coming Wednesday I will be talking at the library in Sunderland, right next door to where I live. I've heard from quite a few people who are planning to be there, so I look forward to this event with a great deal of anticipation. Every step along the way of the book journey is adventurous and exciting.


I am going to pose a question to my readers. If you were going to be at my first book appearance, what aspect of my story would you most want to know about?

A Book Review

Shirley Showalter, author of the blog 100 Memoirs, has posted a review of my memoir Why I Left the Amish. It is a review that touched me to the point of tears because of the way that she understood the book (and my story), right down to its core. 


I think she hits the mark between honesty of detail in describing the abuse and non-romantic appreciation for the good times just about perfectly. This is no small feat. She has Mary Karr’s maturity without her hilarity. She has Mildred Armstrong Kalish’s nostalgia for rural life without her rosy life story.


Some time ago, I read Shirley Showalter's review of Rhoda Janzen's Mennonite in a Little Black Dress, which included criticism for Jansen telling the story of her sister-in-law's remarks at a family gathering. Showalter thought Jansen had needlessly cast her sister-in-law in a bad light. I read the discussion that her comments generated, and I remember saying to David, "Okay, I understand that maybe Janzen could have avoided that part of the book, because it was anecdotal information. However, in my case shedding family members in a bad light is actually central to my story -- how might I have avoided that and still told the truth or what is central in my story."


It turns out Showalter also understood this when she wrote: But what if the criticism is not gratuitous but central to the plot? What if it “outs” a brother who apparently has gained good standing within the Amish community? What if it tells old secrets about a father after he is gone?


I am truly touched by Shirley Showalter's review. You can read it at 100 Memoirs.

Thoughts about the "English" Riddle

The other day, I posed a question to my readers about why the Amish lifestyle is so romanticized compared to the Mennonites. You can read my post and the stimulating discussion that followed here. 


Based on what I heard from many of you, and after pondering the issues that these ideas triggered, I am going to try to write some thoughts I've had about the "riddle." 


Several of you hit on the idea that people want what is hard to achieve. I've had the very same thought... that the door is wide open for people to join the Mennonites, while the doors to the Amish are closed, if not locked. It seems to be in our nature that the more we've had to struggle to achieve something, the more meaningful that achievement becomes to us. The philosopher, Hegel, claimed that peace times are the empty pages of history. I think that is true for our own lives, too -- the difficulties in our lives are more memorable than the good times. Perhaps this is partly because we learn more about ourselves from our struggles than we do from having something come to us more easily. This is also true for the things we read -- the more difficulties a protagonist faces, the more we root for that person (provided we have learned to care about the protagonist) and the happier we are when things turn out well in the end. If there was no conflict, there would be no story.


Therefore, if it is indeed the case that people actually seek the difficulties of joining an Amish community, could it be that these people are seeking the meaning that comes of struggling for something? Perhaps in a way, the Amish are drawing more people to their way of life by NOT greeting them with open arms. It reminds me of the saying, "Refusal to sell creates the desire to buy." Human behavior is indeed fascinating.


Several people also mentioned that there is more information out there about the Amish than there is about the Mennonites. I agree, the Amish have much more PUBLICITY than the Mennonites. However, I've had a theory for a while about this. Oftentimes when I am curious about something, and I don't have  enough information about it, my imagination tends to fill in the blanks. I think this tends to be the case for most people. So all the outward signs -- the horse and buggies, the well-kept gardens, the handcrafted furniture and quilts -- seem to spell "simplicity." Without having inside knowledge of whether it really is a simpler way of life, people fill in the blanks with their imagination. There are many examples of this in the popular Amish novels available on the market. And thus the myths about the Amish are perpetuated.


Another very good point that several people made is how we can learn from the Amish. I agree. We don't need to join the Amish to pull the plug on the television, refuse to conform to the latest fashions in clothing and technology, build a community, deepen our faith, or live an ethical life. But we can use them as an ideal of living a simpler life because as one person wrote, "The Amish make it look so easy."


Ah, if only things were as they seem -- I might still be living "the simple life." 

Happy New Year!

It seems that David and I don't really have one New Year's Eve tradition... if anything our tradition is to do something different each year. Last night was no exception. We went to several performances at First Night in Northampton and had dinner at the Green Street Cafe for a very tasty dinner. We were accompanied by a young woman from Germany, Gina, who is staying with us for a week. 

The highlight of our evening was being part of the audience for a performance by a Bluegrass band, Lost Mountain. Even though the venue was something to be desired (It was too small and the lighting and acoustics were horrible), the three guys in the band made up for it with their lively spirit and great playing and singing, even without microphones. Bluegrass was new to Gina, who has a beautiful singing voice herself. She said it was a great introduction to Bluegrass. David and I will definitely be going to more of their performances here in the Pioneer Valley. It's fun to be in the environment that these three musicians create for their audience. And they take requests... they played the song I requested, "Will the Circle Be Unbroken?" This favorite comes directly out of my Amish background. 

On the way home, the clock turned midnight, so we wished one other a Happy New Near. When we came home we toasted one another with sparkling juice and sat by our Christmas Tree for a while before retiring for the night.

How did you spend your New Year's Eve? Do you have any New Year's traditions? I would love to hear about them.

Many Blessings to all for the year 2011!

Saloma